Actually… I had a rant in mind about not being able to sleep, but I forgot what I was going to write. That’s the most annoying part about this while sleeplessness thing. I forget stuff. Names. Things I need to do.

I would just very much like to have my brain back.

Ah well… I’ll get to playtest it on the 13th, so that’s all good.

No real news on the job front yet, other than the fact that the psychobitch is still a psychotic bitch. At least my supervisor now knows that I’m looking for something else, and he wasn’t entirely opposed to it. As in, he doesn’t like it, but he understands it.

To be honest I’m sort of glad that I’m leaving because of the lack of graduation project and contract, instead of because of the bitch. I keep telling myself that there’s no way in hell she would’ve gotten me to leave, but I’m not so sure. What it comes down to is that my patience was wearing thing, and I’m not sure if I would’ve lasted that much longer without knowing that the end of my employment there is in sight. Now that it is, it’s so much easier to deal with her. But it is still ‘dealing with’ her, instead of working with her.

Ugh.

I really hope that I’ll find someone else soon. I said I’d stick around til Easter at least. Hrrm. We’ll see about that.

So now I’m pissed off, because they lead me on for months. I spent months dealing with that cunt colleague. Months working my ass off, convinced that I’d get that fulltime contract at least.

So… Fuck off. I’m definitely out now.

Other than that, it feels like I’ve reached some kind of breakthrough with my heinous bitch colleague. Not that she’s less of a bitch, but maybe I’m just getting better at ignoring her. Either way, it is time for things to chance. Didn’t get a chance to talk to the dude I need to talk to about a graduation project or a 40 hour contract because he was in meetings all day. What else is new… it’s a drag.

Which obviously doesn’t change the fact that I will go to work tomorrow, but… eh… I’m just so sick of it. I’m sick and tired of that fucking bitch, and of the fucking indecisiveness regarding the situation. It obviously needs to be fixed, so they need to get off their asses and fix it.

Kind of feels like D-Day tomorrow anyway. If I don’t get any satisfying answers about either a graduation project/thesis or a 36/40 hour contract then it’s back to the drawing board for me. Does anyone know any non-asshole filled companies that need a transport planner?

And I should also keep in mind that not everyone is an awesome story teller. Conception did tell me that much. And it also showed me what I do and don’t like in GM’ing. Yes, Mick, Lady Blackbird was the best game of my con, and it ruined me for life when it comes to gaming. Be proud :p.

Anyway, I’m now working on a couple of games which I’ll run for gaming and non gaming friends alike

Jaws of the Six Serpents – A fairly ’standard’ sword and sorcery game. Book-wise, I’m reminded of David Eddings and the Belgariad. Alorns! I played this game at Conception, and it rocks. I’ve got 6 characters ready, and a basic idea of what the scenario should be. Should write that out and get to playtesting that within a few weeks.

Cranna – A world that Lannie and Lyanna are very familiar with, and a game that I’m making with the PDQ-system. I was going to make it and run it at indiecon, but I think it would actually be more fun if I kept that here, and ran that for the people who know the world. Who knows, it may actually be something that I can do with the old Dragonmount group. What do you guys think? I’ve made some characters for this already, but then I got distracted by the ‘traditional’ Jaws game :p

The Hunt for Ra – People who have read my nano for last year should be familiar with this one. I’m making it into a game, with the same system as the Lady Blackbird. Fast paced and action filled. I hope. If this works out the way I want it to, it’s going to be made of awesome.

Red Hell – Also known as the underground prison escape game, based on the story Lannie and I are writing. Maybe we should finish that first though. Yeah, probably.

And on top of all that, Mick is getting me RuneQuest and Summerland, which also sound very cool, and I might make games out of those too. T

The way it looks now I won’t even have time to play any games at Indiecon. O.o May have to reconsider running all of those games and limit myself to two or three. But they’re all awesome, and the list isn’t even complete yet. Noes… But I guess I’ll finish the first game first, and see if I’m actually any good at this :p.

But that’s where it all gets fubarred again. There is no way in Hell I should be this over the moon over someone I’ve barely spent three days with. And yet I am… And don’t get me wrong, it’s fucking brilliant. Annoying and frustrating and scary and AAAAAAAAAHH!!, but brilliant none the less.

Except that it’s not, because I can’t do anything about it right now. Which is annoying. And Frustrating. Ugh. And yet… it really is brilliant. It just needs to stop keeping me up at night. I know, it’s not just that, it’s also work and school and housing and all that other crap, but since it is the one thing that I actually like pondering on, it does seem to be the thing that’s keeping me awake.

And at this point, I really just want to sleep. I’m going round in circles. Rather incoherently at that. Oh well.

You have this stereotype in mind of a gamer. The kind of geek that spent the last 20/30/40 years in his mothers basement thinking up storylines for his d&d games.Those geeks were present at Conception too. However, there were also other people. This shouldn’t have surprised me, of course, as I’m a gamer and I don’t fit into the ‘momma’s basement for life’-category. Anyway, the first game I played in featured a lot of the geek-gamers, so I did feel a little awkward about not being as socially awkward as some of the other players. As I told Petra when I signed up for my first game, I’m very glad that I’m not shy, because otherwise signing up for random games where I don’t know anyone would be hard. On the other hand, I’m not sure if a little shyness isn’t a good thing when you’re with a group of generally socially inept people.

On the other hand, we did end up meeting ‘the other side of the gaming spectrum’ as well. I think that type of gamer is best described as your average cool kid/pub goer, who roleplays instead of playing darts. I think it’s kind of pointless for me to say that I felt much more at home with that particular crowd, and so did Lyanna and IJdo. This also leads me to my next conclusion about gamers and GM’s. The more extrovert your GM and gamers are, the better your game is. Especially the ones that demand a lot of narration from the players. I definitely had the most fun with the more outgoing people. Such as the Pompey Crew :p

I don’t usually get attached to people all that easily, but at the end of conception when the Pompey Crew left, I was feeling decidedly meh about that. I mean, really meh. To the point where I had to work at not sulking the rest of the afternoon. And that only barely worked, until Mick e-mailed me, and I was feeling decidedly squee again.

Ugh. So now part of me is doing happy cartwheels, while another part is muttering something about how pathetic I really am. The third part just wants me to shut the hell up already so I can finally get some sleep. So this whole entire blogpost is dedicated to this one thing: I’m all over the place  right now, but I rather like it I think. Probably. Yeah, I guess so.

Fucking Brits. Uniform wearing Brits? Oh, that’s just not fair. How’s a girl supposed to resist that?

It really is

I ended up picking a whole new way of speaking here,  and I’ m sure it’ s going to take me a while to get rid of it. Oh well. Also met some great people, so between that and the great games, I’ d say that this entire weekend was a big success.

And eventually my cheeks will stop glowing. Fucking Brits

I think the concept of having a few days off is making this whole going to England for a gaming convention a whole lot more exciting and appealing than it would be otherwise. Then again, I am rapidly turning into the biggest tabletop gaming geek that ever lived. Well… that’ll be kind of hard, but I do really like it, to the point where I’ll spend a Saturday sulking if a game is canceled. It’s like having a little nanowrimo each Saturday, with the whole creative vibe and telling a story together.

Yeah. Geekage. I loves it.

I also love the fact that work is genuinely enjoyable. Sure, it’s not the most high brow thing I’ve ever done, but the environment is nice now that the heinous bitch colleague is on vacation, and it actually looks like I’ll get a contract there, and it also looks like people are finally going to do something about said heinous bitch colleague. Wooh! Fortunately I’ll be in England when she has her talk with the management. Imagine that… coming back to work after a ski-vacation (during which she probably alienated all of her ‘friends’), and then immediately getting called into ‘the office’ for ‘a talk’. You know, one of those get your act together or get lost kind of talks.

I’d hate to be in her shoes… Then again, they are her shoes to wear, and the only reason they’re so damned uncomfortable are because she made them that way.

hmmm, shoes. I wonder if I can get away with shoe shopping tomorrow. Noes, must save money! But shoes. But savings. Shoes. Savings. Shoooooooeeeees.

Eh. Shoes, I guess.